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| NCSY.... |
[10 Jun 2007|12:49pm] |
so the ncsy convention was, what, 2 weeks ago?
it was weird, every other convention i've been to left me so depressed and upset on my return home, but this convention was a lot different.
going in just felt like coming home. it all felt so good. leaving didn't feel like an end to anything, it didn't feel like, "now the convention is over, time to go back to the same old lame poo of albany high". i was worried about it at first, that maybe i wasn't having a good enough time at the convention or something insane like that, but as time has gone by, i've realized i havn't gone back to the same old poo i left. this convention really stuck with me.
sophomore year has pretty much been a long road back undoing everything bad i did last year. pretty ballsack. for the longest time i've felt like i've returned, that i've been myself again, and i have been, except for the outgoing confidence and positive attitude that was a principle part of who i was. ncsy brought that back in me, and i feel absolutely amazing.
too bad confidence tends to make me content. i feel like this is different, though. this confidence is different.
& hey, whats everybody up to this summer??
be well, stay fly,
shoomie
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| livejournal brings out the emo in the best of us |
[15 May 2007|11:28pm] |
not that i'm the best of us. haha. here we go!
no, just stuff was good and happening before the ap, i was doing stuff all the time and i had some kind of a rough plan for what to do, i had places to be and stuff to get done. now im back to being a lazy lump and not doing anything i want to because the lure of nothing is so great.
i'm 16 and giving myself diabetes, i'm turning my social life into last years, even in some ways worse, and nothings changing. yeah i think about things and get new perspectives, but im still dealing with the same issues ive been wanting to fix since september, even things ive wanted to accomplish my entire life. i'm going nowhere, i cant find any balance. i'm such a fuckhole, i wont get off my ass to do something that will make me happy so i sit here and complain about nothing to people who dont need to hear this kind of crap.
whatever.
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[26 Apr 2007|07:16pm] |
i hate the feeling that stuff is just like it was a year ago. then i look at certain events and see how things have changed...moslty i'm just stuck being a loser.
oh well.
i'll figure it out. i hope.
making lj entries always makes me depressed.
ROCK AND ROLL HIGH SCHOOL
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| week's end |
[12 Apr 2007|10:46pm] |
ill be by myself (with buzz lightyear, if he ever comes home) this weekend, house all to myself and not much in the way of plans. anyone wanna help me take advantage of that?
hit me up: 331-7342
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[16 Mar 2007|10:52pm] |
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im looking at pictures from cty in the summer of 2005. i took pictures like crazy, of absolutely everything. its like i knew those three weeks would have been the greatest three time of my life and i would want to remember every detail. i can't stop crying, i miss it so much. i miss the people, the place, the way cty went, and so much more. god i miss kat. i miss sticking the stickers from fruit on our arms, the awkward towel, conversations in her cabin, how we called our dorms cabins to make it more like a camp, how we threw off our lanyards in anarchy, our band practices everywhere and always, our amazing lunch times, listening to daniel beningfield, god. i miss who i was then. i miss how i could become friends with someone for five minutes, just for fun. i wonder who i was then, i must have been so much better. god i had so many friends...i was one of those kids, not popular, but who knew everyone they wanted to, who was confortable and well liked. god dammit, i want to be there again.
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| oh boy! |
[19 Jan 2007|03:37am] |
its 3:37 am. i just finished my ap essay, time to do laundry and pack everything i'll need for the next week+!!
i have such good stuff ahead of me right now...
NCSY this weekend!!!
then right off to ny to stay with panthea from cty on mon or tue
with her for a week, call if youre anyone who wants to party! (5183317342)
probably with panthea for next weekend
hopfully we'll be popping down to tenafly to see dan!
& i'm hoping to see some socialists...
oh man. from tomorrow morning on out, im doing everything i live for doing. this is so good.
i cant even comprehend it.
!!!!!!!!
NCSWhy? COS I GOTTA!
♥
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| nothing will ever stay the same |
[12 Dec 2006|04:47pm] |
i always know what i want to write here as i walk down to the computer, then loose it & recreate it on the spot.
im not changing
IM NOT SEIZING THE DAY
i was supposed to be different after the summer...
i am different. i'm much different. since then, though, i've been the same
summer seems so recent, ive had the same dream since then
no new goals...
im not content, i want to keep changing....
im happy, but i need to grow more
fuck, i feel like i did all my growing, but fuck that its impossible
I DONT KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO!!
i had goals, i had ideas of what should be different
i was going to travel more, spend weekends away from albany, visiting friends
everything costs money.
fuck. you know, i could get a job....and ruin my childhood. i dont want to work. commitments get in my way.
damn. i want to grow but i dont want to grow up.
ahhh im just a fuckhole, rhythmic dickhole. i'll do it, ill get my goals & stick to them.
goal #1- be someone people can depend on, dont ditch people, stick to repsonsibilities when i owe it to my friends, dont be a liar.
damn, i need to be more reliable, all around. ill turn into my mom if i dont...i have to clean up, damn my stuffs a mess. i have to get all those holiday presents...mail stuff, make stuff, buy stuff...not waste money on crap i dont need, or waste my parents' money on crap i dont need!! no more needless doctor's appointments, no more new clothes, damn, i have enough. i have enough period. no more new stuff. man, theres so much to change, its all so insignificant but its holding me down. i feel like ive gone over this a thousand times but always fall through when the time for action comes.
like now. i came down here to do my laundry.
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[26 Nov 2006|10:44pm] |
everythings mad BLANK now, likei dont even know. wierd. i dont know how i feel about anything...except for theres a lot of stuff i miss. but even that....i dont even know. i havnt been around people in a while, but i dont feel like i need too....i just need this shomria seminar this weekend and i need some plans for seeing people. ahh its so hard to get over the feeling that everything i want is physically so far away from me. i want to want whats here, and im really getting better at it...as in im not loathing every second i spend in albany. i dont even know, i dont know what this entry is about. theres no purpose.
no purpose.
thats the issue. i dig.
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| party time? |
[15 Nov 2006|11:18pm] |
it really ruins me when people i think are awesome dont like me, or even make me think they dont like me...hah! i fail! at life! whatevs :P
yesterday was bomb, firedrill, fightchaos, doody & steve -> steve & car -> finny & jake -> finny & steve al the mallll & party...
my girrrllll FINNYFINFINFINNYFINFINFINFINNYFIN ♥ yeah :D
haha but i got cheap clothes, good, present for a girl, dollar store earings, THE MONTY ARE I CD (www.montyarei.com) -> my cousin's band, got the cd at FYE, shnazzy stuff. they were on the front page of purevolume the other day, too.
um i get to party with my cty lovers next weekend, NCSY CONVENTION THIS WEEKEND!!! 2 days of school next week, oh dip. ive some good times ahead, supposing i dont die...
im pretty pleased with life at the moment. i think ill even stay all day in school tomorrow. i could, and i wouldnt be upset about it. that means a lot. hah.
KAY, done, end.
keep cool, my babies!
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| doody |
[22 Oct 2006|08:10pm] |
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so ive been noticing im at least turning into one of those annoying kids who doesnt have a lot of friends so theyre always talking at people they think are cool to get them to be their friend. not a good thing...
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| RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS |
[22 Oct 2006|12:16am] |
yeah so i just got home from the red hot chili peppers....that was a sick time.
the mars volta opened, and i really loved them. people got bored with them because the songs were long and didnt have enough words...i love how you can just flow with the sounds and everything...yeah so that was pretty lovely.
the red hot chili peppers were absolutely insane, though. it was the freaking red hot chili peppers! there was flea! and anthony keidis! and john frusciante! and the drummer...yeah and io probably spelled all their names wrong...but it was so wonderful! haha aww yeah...i couldnt see the mars volta well from my seat cos i forgot my glasses, but rhcp had the video screnes so that was good...the ligthing was pretty decent and but the video stuff was sick.
i couldnt really music trip much cos they were too far away for the sounds to encase me, but i still got really into it...mad weed smoke...this guy was passed out when we first got there, aaron and i had to climb over him to get to our seats, then of course he pops up and goes crazy for rhcp, smokes more and throws up all over his seat, then sits back down...that was disgusting. i called joeface to give him a listen of californication, i called dan kim:D to leave him some over the bridge, and i called aidan to tell him i was getting cookie dough ice cream...i saw finny & brian, ben & nathan, ethan greenberg & noah greenstein...damn jews. yeah. okay.
hey and saar from socialist camp knows panthea from cty. SMALL WOLRD?!
kay so i mad broke my toe and lost my voice times 80 billion, and bought a bootleg rhcp shirt from a mad sketch guy on the street. its dope though, tie dye, and $15.
kay...snl is on now, right? im gonna go do that... plus tea.
peace and heroin,
anna
(oh man im funny)
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| im not your son, more like a sunset |
[20 Oct 2006|09:18pm] |
new tetris high score. level 41, 401 lines, score of 455,250.
so this has been a pretty awesome week, and getting better...
i went to the matisyahu concert on tuesday. that was definately one fo the best concerts i have ever been to.
i got there early with aaron, nathan and joe, then inside we saw ben, misha, shara & ms baker, our old hebrew academy teachers, the 8th grade hebrew academy boys, ailene, and later ariella, adam, jason, noah greenstein and ariel helowitz came. it was like our own little jew party, plus a billion other people i didnt know.
this band moshav opened, i found them on purevolume once and listened to them because they were israeli, pretty decent. i enjoyed their performance, but it wasnt anything too special.
state radio was next, and by then i was front and center with ben and co. that was amazing. i think the other ngith on the phone aidan from cty asked me if i had heard of state radio and i said no. well yeah, they were wonderful. i music tripped during a bit of that.
some rediculously annoying drunk people came in, snapping their fingers and screaming about how they loved joe. there were also some lame kids in front of me who just stood their looking "scene", going on myspace with their sidekicks, taking more pictures than actually watching the show, and making fun of people who were getting into the music, including giving me nasty-as-whoa stares. oh, and this beast israeli lady who was standing by us yelled at and pushed the drunk guys when they accidentally started squishing me.
matisyahu was amazing. i dont really know his songs, save for kind without a crown and chop em down. it was absolutely wonderful, though. ahh i was so into it...i was music tripping like wild. how the music gets inside your haed and your body...then the lights were stellar and fit the music so perfectly my eyes were bugging out. so good...and the words i could make out, the way he sang and the soul in the music made it such an increadible spitirual experience for me. being with people that i love beyond words helped that, too.
overall, a really incredible night. a lot fo my friends got things signed by matisyahu, i got to talk to the moshav guy and shook hands with the state radio lead.
so yeah, the next day was a half day so i got to work on my really fun health project-all about me so its full of cty pictures from 05 & 06, hebrew academy pictures and mitch hedberg quotes. thursday was my last swim meet :D awesome even though i couldnt breathe...today i was home, sick. i could have gone to school but i really dont want to be ill tomorrow ngiht when i go see THE RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS!!!
yeah i made an awesome rhcp shirt today. joy:D.
LOVE TO ALL and to all a good night....
anna
ps. gavin castleton & gruvis malt = the loves of my life. best music out there, trust. www.gavincastleton.com www.gruvismalt.com
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| theres never enough time.... |
[15 Oct 2006|12:26am] |
i definitely dont have enough time to think anymore.
things that arent a big deal seem like the world when they dont work out. people, friends, annoy me like they never have before. anything that i could possibly relate to cty makes me want to cry.
ahh, so many things make me want to just break down, but i never have the time or the place.
yesterday was so stressful, i wanted to cry at the drop of a pin until i took a nap, i get so cranky.
i missed out on a lot of fun. i feel like i do that a lot.
this morning i went to swim team at 8 am, then there wasnt any. i had 20 minutes in the harsh cold to be bny myself...i went to beverwyck and let it out. i love beverwyck...its always there for me.
wow im so freaking emo right now...and i actually had an absolutely amazing day, too.
its just that i realized this morning that i never get chances like that to think. theres always such a time limit that i cant function with. i just have to get myself to deal with what i need to when it happens...i dont know what that will help, but its the only sense i can make. it'll work out.
so onward to the amazing day of today:
-misha, aaron, ayelet, ariella, adam, jason, nathan & more-
temple, im a jew. there was simchaton (a learning session) afterwards, wonderful. then ncsy, orthodox jew love. ahh, i just got to spend my day with the greatest people in my life, my HACD loves. wow they are everything to me. im so glad all that is in order...
i havnt known how to say this for a while, until i just said it to a friend (gideon, cty<3)
i really spent last year destroying my life and rebuilding it.
wow i feel really lame right now. this entry is so bad...haha wow. at least its not about tetris, right? yeah...
school is such balls.
im being so pitiful and emo i should really, really stop talking. now.
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| tetris... |
[10 Oct 2006|09:49pm] |
i know im lame with all these tetris entries, but...
level 32
lines 313
today during video production. i could have kept going, but the bell rang.
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| tetris ohhh yeah |
[08 Oct 2006|02:51am] |
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Level: 30
Lines: 290
Score: 218,886
www.neave.com/games/nblox
BEAT THAT!
ps. i ♥ a highschool musical + lily, talia, allie, tali & joelle.
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| lifes not killing me! |
[07 Oct 2006|12:02am] |
haha yeah so muy last entry got toally negated about a week later. everythings fine. i miss cty like anything tho. what does that even mean? liek anything? i miss it really bad tho. i didnt even have that good a time this past summer. its just such an amazing place and i know ill never get to go there again...
so here:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=wL0IUfrVr_0
^^ now you can understand my rant about that song (molly, the little asain w/the white shirt they pick up from the audience was your brother's RA 1st session)
http://youtube.com/watch?v=OG4rBtXh_U4
^^now you know what d.bex is all about♥ (1st session talent show, i wasnt there but yeah)
http://youtube.com/watch?v=SoNBZEjTeYs
^^not that thrilling, youngin raving at the talent show, i caught & still have the blue one :D
yeah & elsenews, i was really looking forward to yom kippur as an inspiring day of inner reflection...greatly dissappointed. people werent into it, the prayers were lame, the conversation wasnt insightful, duh. yeah. whatevs.
sukkot it cool though. i was gonna sleep in the sukah tonight but maybe tomorrow instead...anyone wanna have a sukah slumber party?!?!?!? :p maybe adiboo♥
yeah kay cty again...dan kim is amazing (again) and i finally talked to gideon who i missed so freaking much & havnt talked to since camp. lame. dan & i are totally planning a ny/nj/the world cty reunion so yeah let us party!! hehe. oh and i went over all my notes from service learning at jhu 2005 on yom kippur. im just that cool.
uhhh yeah so i have no dreds anymore, love it. dont like how i always attract the creepy boys, though...wow this entry is mad lame.
kay idk what else to say but i love you allll!!!! peace, keep cool my babies,
anna
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[19 Sep 2006|05:10pm] |
im so busy i think its killing me. last night was a new kind of low- hyperventilating and crying on my bed because i didnt have time to get sick. i realized that getting stressed out that badly isnt going to get better, so i tried school today and had no other safe choice but to leave after ap. its the first time ive had time to sleep in what feels like ages. ill weather this until swim team is over, then ill be able to breathe for a change. until tehn, its school, swim, shower, eat, homework, sleep, plus jewish classes, temple and israeli dance weekly.
it really bothers me that theres a swim meet scheduled for this friday. its erev rosh hashanah and i get to look like a craphole again for missing another meet. go on an get mad at me for missing a meet cos its a freaking high holy day. right.
just assume that i wont be in such a negative place between now and whenever it is next that i actually have 2 minutes to write a livejournal post.
sorry im being so freaking lame...heres some really good stuff:
-RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS!!!! i wanted to go so bad & my mom was gonna get tickets, but she forgot and that wasnt fun. NOW my awesome cousin joeface cant go to the concert with aaron anymmore cos he has to go to a usy convention SO i get to buy his ticket and make my life that much more worthwhile! :D
-i switched out of band cos i cant -play, and found myself in the AMAZIGN class of video production & design with joe, joelle, finny, sarah doody, josh, & angie! SCORE!!
-alicia (sammy's gf =O ) brushed out two of my four remaining dread locks, so i have 2 more to go and then i have normal hair again!! yay!!
-who am i kidding, i have tons and tons of amazing stuff going on right now, im just having a patch of evilness. this year is amazign and i have so much good stuff going on, never worry, my loves.
keep cool, my babies,
anna
EDIT: if i hated swim team, i wouldnt be doing it.
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| i danced myself out of the womb |
[10 Sep 2006|02:07am] |
school actually isnt as bad as i thought it would be. im increadibly busy, always, and i love it a lot. oh fuck i have that AP essay to write. okay, tomorrow.
yeah, so people arent at all as criminally stupid as last year, and i really feel like i might learn something. AP euro, with mcgurn, is going to be absolutely the best class. he is so hilarious and says so perfectly what i'm always thinking and feeling about this school and the people in it. plus its going to be an actual challenge. the albany high version of a mental challenge is more like giving you tons of words to write five times each or mindless copy&paste answers that challenge you to keep conscious through the entire assignment. this class, though- its gonna be a good time :). plus mcgurn reminds me of my hebrew academy social studies teacher, mr miller, which makes me giddy.
music theory is gonna be interesting, small class, sto & mike are in it. im in band, and im probably gonna have to drop it cos im completely incompitent when it comes to playing the trumpet. i'd like to stay, though...
yeah, so besides school & homework, swim team im always there to keep me busy, plus ncsy (orthodox jewish) board meetings & whatness, israeli dance, some usy in there for flavor, and i want to take the jewish classes on sundays at jerny & maybe the monday ones at temple. cos my schedule isnt packed enough...yeah :D.
LOVE AND PUPPY DOGS!!!!!
life is pretty aweosme right now. saying too busy to think works pretty well for me. score.
ANNA BANANA ICE CREAM
oh yeah & ive been a vegan-ish for...2 weeks? (ish cos im not really strict about it)
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| Jew Love |
[05 Sep 2006|07:08pm] |
so yesterday was one of the best days ive had in ages- a day closer to what everyday at hebrew academy was like.
i went to a birthday party, early. later, all my really good friends who were at camp all summer came and it was amazing. i spent the night just talking and dancing with my favorite people in the world who i hadnt seen in so long, and who i hadnt been as much myself around in ages. afterwards, i went over to one of my best friend's houses with a small handfull of others, we hung out, then 3 of us had the kind of sleepover boys like to think youre having ; ).
ive come full circle, after this summer. i feel like i spent the last year of my life trying to make something completely new out of myself, only to find that those changes cant be forced, and i'm happiest as i was before any of those changes. maybe i should be optimistic about the coming school year because of this, but i know what environment im going to be in. its hard for me to be outgoing there, and i doubt ill maintain the kind of relationships i had with people last year on the same level. i may not be good friends with people i was closer to last year, and unwelcomed by those i wasnt as close to, for good reason. i certaintly dont love and care for anyone i knew last year any less than i did, and im sorry if it often comes off that way.
this is kind of a really lame entry. unless you know me fairly well, it probably wont make much sense, but if anyone is curious i'd love to discuss & whatnot.
the fun stuff
What We Did Last Night:
-Watched soft-core porn on the TV
-Acted out the soft-core porn we watched on the TV
-Sang the star spangled banner, with feeling, naked, in the middle of the road (at night)
-Went streaking
-Got a lesson in how to make out
and so much more that i dont feel comfortable saying in a livejournal post. Yeah, we're awesome ;).
(this is ayelet, segal & i, b-t-dubs♥)
Other stuff.....
-I want my dreads out, NOW.
-I went to NCSY this weekend, an orthodox Jewish youth group. It was a convention for everyone on board for their chapters, and I'm on board for Albany :D.
-School tomorrow, first time I'm not excited for school. You can probably see why from above whatness.
-Joe Sainato?? Going out with my beautiful, 100% fox of a friend, Segal♥
-I called a boy I like & left a beyond akward message. He didn't call back. I'm gonna call again :D. I'm ready to be risky at this one, even if its pitiful :-/.
-Swim team hurts...duh.
END.
kay yeah, im lame as fuck, what?!
peace babes, love to all, have my children? thx.
anna
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no_regrets39's journal